


Bath

by shinysparks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 09:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Merlin's beard, James!" Lily said, grabbing onto her nose as she tried not to gag at the stink of the four Marauders who stood in front of her. "Did you give up bathing for the Summer?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bath

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Hogwarts Castle" prompt at [hh_writersblock](http://hh_writersblock.livejournal.com). I got first place in the challenge! :D

"Merlin's beard, James!" Lily said, grabbing onto her nose as she tried not to gag at the stink of the four Marauders who stood in front of her. "Did you give up bathing for the Summer?"

"Oh Lily, my lovely..." James said, making puppy dog eyes at her as he ran his hand through his shaggy, greasy hair.  
"Don't call me 'lovely.'" Lily honked, still holding her nose.  
"Right, sorry. Anyway, me and the lads have been off...on a _quest_ , if you will." He said, smiling wolfishly and inching closer to her. "We've battled evil, had _grand_ adventures..."  
"...Got lost in the castle..." Offered Peter.  
"Shut up, Peter."  
"...Wandered around aimlessly in the depths of Hogwarts for two straight months, chased by terribly violent pixies..." Added Remus.  
"Shut up, Remus."  
"...Ran out of food and had long, heart-felt discussions about cannibalism..."  
"Shut up, Sirius."

"Uh-huh." Lily nodded, looking confused. "So, you've been here in the castle all Summer long?"

"Yep!" Said James, grinning.

"And why did you stay behind?"

"I am sworn to secrecy, Lilypuddles."

Lily rolled her eyes. "No one knew?"

"Not a soul - well, at least not a living one." Replied James.

"When was the last time you had a bath?" She finally asked.

James blinked, clueless. "Remus?"

"June...twenty-something...at the latest." Answered Remus.

Lily's mouth dropped open, and then promptly closed due to the stench.

"You lot do realize it's September first, right?" She questioned, coughing a bit.

"We do!" James replied, his eyes lighting up. "Which means there is soon to be a wonderful and seemingly endless feast in the Great Hall!"

"You can't go to the feast like that!"

"Why?"

"Because you smell like the backside of a flatulent troll?" Lily scoffed.

James sighed.

"Honestly, woman, we've not eaten in a week. Just this morning, we found Sirius nibbling on Remus's toes in his sleep! We think that was due to hunger and not because he's a kinky prat." James eyed Sirius, who was grinning from ear to ear. Remus facepalmed, blushing. "Emphasis on _we think,_ of course."

"Understandable." Lily nodded, blushing a bit. "Still, if you don't bathe first, there won't be a feast, as everyone will run out of there screaming from your foul odor!"

"Good! More for us that way!" James replied, eagerly.

Lily groaned, crossed her arms, and pointed her finger sternly in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

"Bath." She growled. "Now."  
"Food." Insisted James, smiling, as he crossed his arms.  
"Bath!"  
"Food!"

James winked at her, and Lily shook her head. She'd had enough of this. Quietly, she pulled out her wand.

"AGUAMENTI!" She yelled, hitting all four boys with a blast of water. They screamed and flailed, begging her to stop; however, she was determined, and refused to stop until the odoriferous assault on her nasal passages ceased. When she finally turned the spell off, the Marauders sat sopping wet in puddles, looking quiet pathetic. However, they did smell much better.

"Bath." She said, giggling.


End file.
